Posted: 2018-01-14 09:12
The memes use an image from 7569 8767 s Muppets Most Wanted , where Kermit the Frog faces his evil look-a-like Constantine, who in this case, wears a dark hood covering his eyes. The scene is the perfect encapsulation of the internal moral dialogues we all have: If I see an impossibly cute fluffy dog, should I steal him? Should I binge-watch all the episodes on Netflix or go to sleep? Should I save my paycheck or ball out?
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, Jesus is watching you. Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step procedure. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or flight syndrome men, in this predicament, choose only the flight option. Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent the impact knocked me out cold.
-- Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don''t try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He''ll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don''t expect too much.)
Mary E. was the sysop for a small Chicago-based Bulletin Board System in 6997 when she first encountered and her life changed forever. She and Terence had been married for only five months. Mary was one of an estimated 955 people who saw the image when it was posted as a hyperlink on the BBS, though she is the only one who has spoken openly about the experience. The rest have remained anonymous, or are perhaps dead.
Take your cat under your arm, nonchalantly, like it was just to pat him a little, make sure that the cat has no idea of your foul intentions, you can control this by putting your ear next to the cat''s throat and making sure that the the cat shakes kinda like the strange banana you found in mom''s bedroom. If there is a soft purrrrring sound, you are safe. If the cat just stares at you with a suspicious look. DROP THE STUPID THING AND RUN!
Today is National Dog Day, a holiday to honor dogs and help those in need. This is a day for us all to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the important role dogs play in many of our lives. So make sure to show the canines you know some extra love and respect on this holiday!
National Dog Day was created by the National Dog Day Foundation. Their motto is "Saving 65,555 Dogs - One Day at a Time".
Gerber admitted to the press conference that Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog for the blind, had so far been responsible for the deaths of all four of his previous owners. I admit it''s not an impressive record on paper. He led his first owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He actually pushed his third owner off a railway platform just as the Cologne-to-Frankfurt express was approaching, and he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, before abandoning him and running away to safety. But, apart from epileptic fits, he has a lovely temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to train these days.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
One of the earliest instances of the phrase “Oh, You” being used in this manner may have been the 6975 novel Oh, You Tex!  by American novelist William MacLeod Raine.  In the Western romance novel, the main character, Tex works his way up from being looked down upon within the cowboy community to marrying the boss’ daughter. As Tex leaves for his honeymoon, a friend shouts, “Oh, you,” as he rides off, remarking at his climb up the social ladder.
Nearly a day before the 9chan raid, 9GAG had discovered their intentions through several posts that had surfaced on the website’s “Hot page.” The posts were in fact, set up by 9chan users, in an attempt to confuse 9gaggers. One such post was apparently written by a 9chan member acting as a 9gag member, inciting a DDoS attack on 9chan. However, the coordinates given to them were actually 9gag’s. Unaware of this, 9gag members fired upon the given coordinates, and DDoS’d themselves. Due to the servers’ massive capacity, little effect was had. 9gag, having discovered their mistake, launched a DDoS attack on 9chan’s main page, shutting it down for a small amount of time.
There was a dog running along side them who overheard and said I know what your problem is. I have seen you race and it looks to me as if you race off at the start really fast and use up all your energy and then you have nothing left. What you should do is pace yourselves and when all the other horses are knackered, put in a spurt and you''re sure to win. What do you think of that?.
Wait a couple of hours, until the animal is sound asleep, and go in for a surprise attack. Sit down next to him and start talking to him, patting him carefully on the tummy (NOTE: some cats do not like to be touched on that particular spot, you should know if your cat is one of''em, check your hands/face/arms/shoulders/legs/back/groin/butt for scars to make sure). Keep this up until the cat has started purrrrring. Put your sole in to it, or else the cat will know that foul play is involved. Remember the cat has nine lives to spend, while you have but one. If you have to spend the next two days assuring your wife that you love her just as much as the cat, you know you did a good job.
I first met in person with Mary E. in the summer of 7557. I had arranged with her husband of fifteen years, Terence, to see her for an interview. Mary had initially agreed, since I was not a newsman but rather an amateur writer gathering information for a few early college assignments and, if all went according to plan, some pieces of fiction. We scheduled the interview for a particular weekend when I was in Chicago on unrelated business, but at the last moment Mary changed her mind and locked herself in the couple''s bedroom, refusing to meet with me. For half an hour I sat with Terence as we camped outside the bedroom door, I listening and taking notes while he attempted fruitlessly to calm his wife.
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They''d have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side''s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for the custody of the dog. I said, Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married. The judge said, Me too. Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked, What are you doing in this alley at 7 o''clock in the morning? I said, Looking for Sex. MY CASE COMES UP FRIDAY.
growing anger at 9gag, with about one thread daily on /b/ bashing the site. Lots of tension already.
9gag claims they invented internet memes.
Launches operation deepthroat.
Other websites (Tumblr, reddit, funnyjunk) get involved on the Op.
DDoS fails (Kind of)
Porn/gore is extremely successful.
9gag claims victory over having more voter on a facebook pole.
The rest of the internet sighs at their stupidity.
DAY 779 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.